Eat, Pray, Love, Dive – Over
Forgive me for going all Adele and broadcasting my love life to the world, but I’m writing this post as truth and integrity are important to me. Social media is full of positives and well that’s just beautiful – all that cake baking and sunny beaches, smiling faces and achievements. But we all know that life isn’t just roses, it’s a complex web of emotions and events and not all of those need to be shared. But, because I was bold enough to share my vulnerability, my love in a previous blog post, I feel duty-bound to share my current reality too.
Crikey this already feels a bit Brangelina, but I’m going to go for it and hope me sharing this restores some balance to my blogging.
So I’m now single – there I’ve said it. This hurts. No one’s officially said it’s over because the guy I let into my world has disappeared, deleted me from Facebook and is seriously lacking any integrity. After a few weeks of broken promises, declaring he was working on building a future for us whilst I was still the other side of the world, his shady actions haven’t matched his words. In fact when we arranged to meet, he stood me up, ignored my calls and messages and left me feeling pretty helpless and stupid.
As the reality hit me I contemplated deleting the blog post I wrote when I was happy, travelling and in love. Believe me it’s pretty mortifying that it’s out there, a stark reminder of what I had and now what I’ve lost. But you can’t just go deleting parts of your life, even in this social media age.
Now because I’d like to retain just a little self-respect I’ll limit my dirty laundry airing and instead share some lessons I’ve learnt along the way. But I hope that all of his future girlfriends are social media super-stalkers and find their way to this post. See it’s just an act of mercy guys 😉
Trust your gut – always!
So this is a big one and could have stopped any pain at all. You see there were warning signs, plenty of them but instead of trusting my gut I wanted to believe my heart. Your instincts don’t lie but your heart, well your heart just looks for the love. Full of naive hope it finds answers for those nagging doubts, no matter how insincere those answers are. Trust the signs too. When someone can’t retain long-term friendships and when you’re introduced to the few they have you get an eye-roll because in the short time they’ve known him you’re one of a hundred, walk. Don’t just walk, run. You’re not going to be the one who changes them.
Learn from the past
Isn’t it funny how easily you can erase the past when you really want something. I failed to mention in my last post that he has form. The last time was nearly a decade a go and my hazy memories and a big dose of denial managed to blur my vision just enough. But I knew, I always did, so this one’s on me. My fault.
This is important. I’m no angel, I’ve made huge mistakes in the past. Fallen in love with the wrong people and caused pain in the process. But, it’s an exception not a rule and never out of malice or lack of respect for another person. If the person you’ve chosen to be your partner rates themselves so highly and has contempt for other people’s feelings – believe this is the truth and one day they’ll do it to you too.
Words can be so beautiful, so painful too. They can be full of promise and hope but they are nothing without actions. When all of their words are telling you everything you want to hear but their actions don’t match, always believe the actions.
Go for it anyway
Remember all of these things but go for it anyway! Through all the humiliation and hurt I feel right now, I’m proud of myself for taking the leap. Letting someone in and join me on my journey was a huge step for me. Yep, he turned out to be a corrupt human with no soul but that’s ok, lessons have been learned. It’s kind of like being pushed out of a plane and realising you are the one with the parachute!