As much as I’m desperately trying not to other-think it, live in the moment and savour every second, it’s a fact that I’m now much nearer my end date than my start date. Much, much closer and I’m terrified.
Don’t get me wrong, there are people who I’m looking forward to giving a big squeeze. I can’t wait to really hear what’s been going on in their lives and not through a pixalated phone screen or a whatsapp conversation. To sit, perhaps indulge in a glass* of vino (*bottle) or two and perhaps regale them with my humorous stories that were deemed too X-rated for this blog.
But as far as life plans well they’re a bit up in the air. I flit between needing a plan and not needing a plan. I’m not short of ideas, options even but it’s just that they’re currently like butterflies, looking all beautiful and full of hope but they never land for long enough to get a proper look at them. Or perhaps I’m not ready to let them rest their pretty wings on me just yet. I do still have a whole continent to explore!
I think the main issue lies with the fact that I love this life, I’ve never felt so happy and free. But on the same note I’m also aware I’ll probably need a base again, oh and money. And perhaps I underestimated my desire to have my network close at hand and the strain it’s put on faraway friendships.
But I’m not ready for this adventure to draw to a close. So it’s simple eh I just need to find a way to make enough cash to keep on going. Perhaps one of you guys fancies sponsoring me? In return I’ll share all my stories and photos with you first. Thought not.
So this my open letter to the universe:
I don’t want to be boxed in and caged up, I want to be free to roam. Don’t make me deal with small spaces, I’m over them. You’ve given me a taste of this life and I don’t want it to end.
It turns out I don’t need lots of stuff with me, just my one bag will do and even that is too much really. I’ve remembered I love to write and the photography thing is pretty cool too.
I’m not done yet, there’s so much more I want to see and do. I want to learn Spanish in a Spanish speaking country, maybe study art in a far flung corner of the world, live on a boat (just a small one and pretend to be a pirate) have the confidence to pick up a guitar again just to see if I can learn to play it. I haven’t explored every country yet or the depths of every ocean, I’m not ready to give up this life.
I don’t know what your plans are for me but I need to be by the sea, it makes me feel like a calm speck in this vast world, it also gives me energy. I need the sun and the light, cold grey skies sap my strength and gnaw at my soul. Night time should be all about stars, thousands of them, not just a smattering.
I’m a dreamer but a realist too. I’m not afraid of work just the mundane. I know if I want this to happen it needs to come from me, but you know it can’t hurt to ask for what I want. So this is me, just putting it out there…